Hello, my name is Paula. (Hello, Paula….). I am a recovering OUTSANE control freak…..
Many people I work with in my coaching practice have what I would call an “Out of Body Experience” in their communication styles. In short, they are OUTSANE. During a conversation, they have a difficult time staying present, especially when asked an uncomfortable question. Typically their breath gets short and shallow (a short breath cycle, which is against the way the body naturally wants to breath itself), their shoulders go up (a sign that their diaphragm isn’t engaging), their eyes peer to their non dominant side, and they start a response with a non-word, such as “Uhm, Well, or Hmmmm.” The sound of their voice (Timbre and Texture) change, sometimes dramatically, revealing to me the sound of their inner child or shadow self. “Ahhhh,” I think, “So here you are…here is the person I’m REALLY working with. Game. On.”
Working with a client over time, getting to know their back story and present situations, I get to know who I am REALLY working with – their ‘non-now” self; it is often a reversion to that hurt part of themselves that lurks in their unconsciousness. They have basically Checked Out. No amount of coaching, therapy, reading, or going to seminars is going to truly break through to the real issue, if we don’t address the aforementioned. I can hear this “non-now” self pop up as they tell a story or dig deep, and when I hear their voice flip back to their inner child, I know we have hit a trigger nerve. Pointing this out to my client gives them a tangible, immediate tool for catching themselves when they start to go OUTSANE in their daily routines.
When we are unconscious to these levels of pain, and the very experiences that created that pain originally, we act out of that “non-now” self in the present, which to me is an act of “OUTsanity” – it is an out of body experience that keeps us stuck in the past. How frustrating this is for people – they want their life to change now, they are putting their best foot forward the best way they know how to right now – but the problem is that foot is one step in the past. If we live in the past, we cannot change the future. The only place to live is in the present moment.
Background : Born in the late 1960s, Roman Catholic Nuances, Capricorn tendencies, Type A personality (in recovery from), raised in a culture of Italian Guilt, youngest child of 5, grew up too fast and too young, addicted personalities in early family circle of influence, traumas in childhood and adolescence.
No one escapes their childhood unscathed. I not-so-jokingly say this a lot, to many people. Its a way of being honest – even the best-intentioned parents will screw up, or you will perceive they screwed up. Parents are People, Too. We are all human, and we are all on our own individual journeys. Where this notion becomes difficult is when a person skirts over the memory of their childhood Outsanely, meaning they say “oh, yeah, I had a great childhood, parents were good to me…” but in actuality, this was not the case. A good way to stay OUTSANE is to stay unconscious. Rigorous honesty, seeing things for what they really were, is your ticket out of crazy town. This does not mean that we have to blame, re-live, or confront people from our past; staying rigorously honest helps us to release ourselves from the past by seeing what it really is. Sugarcoating eats up a TON of energy; believe me, your body and soul KNOW EXACTLY what happened, but if you stay OUTSANE then your brain is out of congruence with reality by keeping you in an out of body, untruthful place. Your body never lies – pay attention, it tells you the truth 100% of the time.
Symptoms: Anxiety, Worry, Guilt, Shame, Fear, Anger
When we are living in an OUTSANE way, we are living the outcome of the mind-body connection that keeps us wanting to stay in control of the control that ends up just keeping us out of control. The feelings and mindset associated with this state are anxiety, worry, guilt, shame, fear, anger, or even apathy. People who do this resonate at such a low level of life force, and will attract other low vibe people to their energy field, all while wondering why it is they can’t move their business along, can’t attract the money, can’t attract the soulmate. Frustration is the key theme here.
Diagnosis: Control Freak via Conditioning, non-genetic variety
This is such a non-congruent, non-God or Universe way of living, we become deeply imbedded in trying to control the control that keeps us out of control. Being control-freakish is a protective measure you’ve learned to adopt to protect yourself. If you just felt guilt or shame when you read that, that would be a “clue.” Stop… you are doing nothing “wrong” you are just doing what you were conditioned to do, and that was not your fault. LET IT GO. We can only live in Fear or in Love. In our daily goings-on, we are either moving towards Love or Above, or towards Fear and Below. In terms of relationships, we are either putting love currency in or taking love currency out – there is no in between. And that includes your relationship with your SELF; in fact, it not only “includes” but REQUIRES you to put self first.
Prognosis: Excellent. Starting to live her true design. Although in the past she has largely lived from her Solar Plexus Ego Center purely for survival reasons, she is in an active state of overcoming Ego and going on to lead a life in flow from Heart Center. We predict the patient will have a full 100% recovery from the condition of Solar Plexus Control Freak OUTSANE.
Ok, Miss Fancy Pants Breath Coach…how exactly do I “Let Go” of fear-based thinking and my OUTSANE ways, and lead a life of Flow. As Jeffery Combs states in his “Breakthrough Factor” book, “The first step is to allow yourself to have the feeling without resisting it, venting it, fearing it, condemning it, or moralizing about it. It means to drop judgement and to see that it is just a feeling. The technique is to be with the feeling and surrender all efforts to modify it in any way…Letting go is a skill. You must develop it until it becomes a habit.” This is a habit of taming the wild, overprotective, but errant EGO (edging God out) and learning to TRUST. Trust your higher self, trust the Universe, trust that you already have everything you need to succeed. Because, well….YOU DO! Do you think God made a mistake with you? Don’t think so…..
How do you know if you are in a state of letting go? You’ll feel it in your body, you’ll feel a sense of peace. You’ll just “know” and be in the “know” – trust that feeling, for that is the truth (not the bullish*t painful feelings). You are meant to feel Peace.
Rx: Meditation, Breathing, Exercise, Time in Nature (preferably exercising in nature), High Nutritional Density Foods and Water, Laughter, Travel, Sex, but first and foremost Beach Time and other time spent around flowing water.
To overcome your OUTsanity, the first step is awareness (which we just covered). The second step is shedding light on that awareness, and taming the Ego to not take you back into the darkness – this is TRUST (which we also just covered). The third step is to Commit to doing step one and step two every day, no matter what. Breathing through the feelings as you notice them, moving a full, deep breath up through your energy centers helps to calm your nervous system down and let you stay in the present (see below for my Zen Snake Exercise instructions. The fourth step is to use all the above to continue to move the energy through your body, in order to release it. This is Surrendering to the fact that you do not have control, so stop trying so hard.
Good news is, once you can stay Rigorously Honest, once you learn to stay aware of your internal state by observing the changes in your own voice in the moment, feeling your breath cycles, tuning into what your body is telling you, and becoming aware of your thoughts and emotions around those thoughts – you will start your path of Recovery.
Paula’s Zen Snake Breathing Exercise:
Root Guidance: Imagine a swirling ball of red energy/red light, directly at the groin and in a circle just below the groin. Imagine this swirling ball of red light sprouting legs/tendrils that go down into the earth, wrap around the earth’s core. You are now grounded to the earth. You belong here; you are a child of the earth but not of the earth. 1. Exhale all the air as you visualize the above Root Guidance. 2. Imagine this beautiful grounded ball of red light traveling up your body as you do the following: Inhale through the nose (or like sipping through a straw with puckered lips, if your nose is stuffy), on the count of 8 til you feel completely full (checking that your diaphragm is engaging, by feeling it with your fingers, hands, thumb)
Crown Guidance: Imagine this red energy ball combining with a swirling ball of beautifully brilliant purple light above your head. Visualize this purple sprouting arms/tendrils up to the universe, connecting you to all energies, the universal collective consciousness, yourhigher self. 1. Hold for 4 counts at the top, as you imagine the above Crown Guidance 2. Stay aware of relaxing and not tensing up your face, shoulders, or anywhere else. 3. You can hold longer if you can.
The Joining Guidance: Imagine the energetically powerful Red and Purple/Root and Crown reds and purples blending together in perfect synchronicity, its energy growing larger and spreading out further. ,Visualize this beautiful Combined/Joined Energy ball sliding down your body, through every energy system, as you exhale. 1. Exhale through relaxed pursed lips, sounding like a slow leak in a flat tire. Keep going to you feel like you’re done. 2. Imagine this Joined Energy running up and down your body’s energy systems, down to the root, up to the crown, repeatedly. What do you visualize? What does this feel like? What does this look like in your soul’s mind? 3. When you think you’re done, you’re likely not! So give it a quick exhale by “tummy crunching” the rest of the air. Picture squeezing the last bit of toothpaste out of a tube, if that helps. 4. Relax, observe, breathe normally, and repeat!
